There is Only One Bed

The inn is rather nice, all things considered. The sheets warm, the mattress is soft- even the pillows smell nice, lavender sewed in the fabric. There is only one tiny, teeny, insignificant problem.

“There is only one bed.”

Tonelico shrugs, already sitting on the mattress to pull off her boots. “It’s large enough for the both of us.”

She’s right; it is. You’re lucky you found a working inn in the first place, really- too many of these merely imitate the shape of a bed without making it actually useable to sleep in. Still, you can’t help but feel… mildly uncomfortable.

She quirks an eyebrow up at your obvious reluctance. “Is it a problem? You sleep with Totrot all the time.”

“It’s different.” Totrot is a dear friend of yours, as is Senpai, but- neither of them makes your heart jackhammer in your chest. Neither of them fills you with yearning and pining and want, so much that you don’t know what to do with it. Neither of them is dangerous to touch in your sleep, is your point. Meanwhile, you feel like you will physically combust if you so much as brush Tonelico’s hand in this situation. “I’ll manage, though. Don’t worry about it.”

She stares at you for a second, but thankfully she doesn’t push you. She shrugs off her cape next, hanging it with her hat in a corner of the room. You follow her example by shedding your armor, turning back to your regular clothes. You don’t have any sleepwear on you, so you’ll sleep directly in these-

“Say, Mash. Do you want me?”

You freeze, halfway through parting the blanket. “…What?”

You look up. Tonelico has come back to the bed. She’s crawling on it on all four, in fact, hair undone, and while she is still clothed she had taken off her ribbon, meaning her blouse is falling in a way that is giving you a front view of her cleavage. “I said,” she sits back on her heels, reaching out to cup your face, “do you want me?”

You are trying, really hard, not to stare. Coincidentally, you are failing equally hard. Who could blame you? Who could blame you for being mesmerized by this star in human form? Who could blame you for being absorbed those eyes, blue as the surface of a lake?

Still, you cannot- this is the one thing you cannot have. So you raise a hand of your own, and gently take her wrist. “We cannot be together. You know that.”

There is too much that separates the two of you. From her perspective, you aren’t even born yet. From yours, she is already dead. To save her from her doom is to deny your future. To send you back to the future is to condemn her once more. It doesn't matter how much you want to hold her, how much you want to kiss her, how much you want to drag her to the beach or show her your favorite movies or do your taxes with her. There is no way for this to end well.

“We cannot be together. I know that.”  She brings your hand to her lips, kiss the back of your knuckles. Galahad had served King Arthur. You bear his title of knight, but you haven’t sworn allegiance to any liege. Sometimes, when the night is quiet and sleep evades you, you like to imagine what it would be like- to swear yourself to Tonelico, to dedicate your life to this girl without an ounce of noble blood yet whose soul is nobler than any pedigree. “That is not what I’m asking. What is wrong with two friends comforting each other? This will not leave this room. This will not leave this night. Come the morning light, we will be back to Mash and Tonelico, two travelling companions and nothing more. So I ask of you, right now, at this moment- do you want me?”

Ah- this is unwise, you know it. A promise for a heartbreak. But doomed for doomed- you want to know. If only once, you want to know- the taste of her skin. The feeling of her lips. If only once, you have to know- or you will never forgive yourself for it.

Weakly, you nod- and with a smile, Tonelico leans in, and kisses you.