On love, among other things
Loving Senpai, Mash finds, is a lot like water: it’s a slow and steady thing, constantly flowing through her, a river she has grown to see as part of the natural landscape of her emotions.
“Loving Senpai,” she told Tonelico once, “is a lot like water. I don’t know if I would survive without them.”
Tonelico had frowned, back then. “I think you’re underselling yourself. You’re doing well enough without them now, aren’t you?”
That was, is true. Mash hadn’t realized. But-
(Senpai rushing through Spriggan’s guard without a care in the world, reaching out for her-)
(Senpai running straight into the path of a calamity all for the sake of a girl who didn’t even recognize them-)
(Senpai’s hands supporting her back, yelling her name into the sky-)
She’s not sure Senpai could live without her.
Loving Tonelico, Mash finds, is a lot like fire: it’s a sudden spark, the intensity of which unlike anything she’s ever known. It feels her whole being with heat, the very memory of her smile enough to warm her on the coldest days.
“Loving Tonelico,” she tells Senpai once, “Loving- Morgan, is a lot like fire. It burns.”
Do they understand? Comparing love to fire is such an overused trope, the most basic of comparisons. Do they understand? Do they understand that she means it hurts, it hurts like a knife I cannot escape from, it hurts like a gaping wound bleeding in my every step? Do they understand that she means there is smoke inside my throat and ashes in my tears, I am choking, I am choking, I feel like I am going to die?
Senpai looks at her, eyes soft, smile faltering, and gently, they pull her into a hug.
(Of course they do. Of course. Of course. If there is one person on this Earth who understands Mash, it’s Senpai. If there is one person on this Earth who understands love, it’s Senpai. They wear theirs like a rope, the one thing keeping them upward- and the noose around their neck.)
JDarius: im very ok